The lost power and violence

Eight stories with physical and psychological violence inflicted on women as a common theme. These husbands, partners, or friends with a double personality—respectable men in public but tormentors at home. L’amore rubato [Stolen Love], Rizzoli, is a collection of short stories in which Dacia Maraini, as early as 2012, addressed the tragedy of toxic relationships, unreported abuse, and femicide.

The writer has been on the front lines of the fight for women’s rights since the 1960s, and can be considered one of the pioneers of Italian feminism. In L’amore rubato, the author presents a plethora of victims. A young wife arrives at the emergency room with a broken arm after being assaulted by her husband. He is the sort who is respected by all but obsessed with control. There is the story of a high school aged girl who is repeatedly raped by her classmates. Another, where the author recounts to be a teenager who was abused and then murdered by a pedophile neighbor. And one, that tells us about a woman who chooses not to bring into the world a child who had been conceived through rape. Though transformed through the language of literature, these stories seem torn from today’s crime reports, even more so therefore that they underscore an ongoing crisis. In 2016, the book was adapted into a film, L’amore rubato, directed by Irish Braschi and starring Elena Sofia Ricci, Stefania Rocca, Gabriella Pession, Chiara Mastalli, and other actors.

What prompted you to write this book?

I wanted to understand and explore the difficult, profound, and mysterious relationship between men and women in today’s society. This concern led me to write the book, which is a collection of stories inspired by real-life events.

Both in your stories and in reality, one striking constant emerges, which is that victims continue to “justify” violent men and avoid reporting them to the authorities. Why do they take this approach?

Partly because they believe they can redeem men through love. And partly because a woman cannot imagine that a man, after having loved her, could actually kill her. Unfortunately, not even law enforcement believes it is possible when they receive reports of violent behavior. Electronic bracelets and warnings clearly aren’t enough. There needs to be more decisive action at the first signs of danger. We cannot wait for a woman to die before seeking justice.

Do you think the internet has contributed to the rise of misogyny?

I would say yes, absolutely. That perverse tool—anonymity, which is typical of social media—has encouraged cynicism and aggressive exhibitionism, ultimately leading to a widespread anti-feminist sentiment.

Violence against women often stems from a man’s insecurity—when faced with female independence, or worse, rejection, he feels his power is threatened. Are there no exceptions?

Wise and grounded men, they are the ones who accept change, who understand women’s desire for autonomy and freedom, who recognize their right to be acknowledged as professionals and creators. And they even choose—sometimes painfully—to relinquish certain privileges. 

And those who refuse to engage with emancipated femininity? 

They are more fragile and fearful. Faced with women’s newfound independence, they feel offended, betrayed, deeply wounded, and are overcome by the urge to destroy everything—starting with their partner and, sometimes, even themselves. 

Is male violence against women always a product of the patriarchal culture of possession? 

I, too, believe—just as Simone de Beauvoir said—that one becomes a woman, rather than being born one. And I think the same can be said for men. What we see today is the result of three thousand years of history, cultural conditioning, and the memory of the past. 

To combat violence against women, many advocate for the introduction of emotional education in schools. Do you think it would be useful? 

Of course—but it should be implemented immediately, not after endless debates between supporters and opponents, as always happens here. From a young age, everyone should learn that no one should be possessed—not even a newborn child, who must be nourished and cared for but should never be treated as property. This applies even more so to a woman who was once loved. 

Of the many cases of femicide that have shaken public opinion, is there one that has affected you the most?

Not just one, unfortunately—many.  The man who killed his pregnant fiancée, stabbing the fetus in a final act of cruelty. The husband who murdered his children before killing his wife. And those who, after butchering their partner, pretend nothing happened—joining in the search for her, claiming she left voluntarily… All these cases show just how deeply patriarchy is in crisis.

Does this mean that there is a war between the sexes today?

I certainly hope not. There are many intelligent, generous men who understand and take a stand for women. A war between the sexes would mean a clash between two genders, seen as separate and opposing races. However, I do not believe in the existence of races, so I reject this idea.

Does violence also stem from mothers failing to teach their sons to respect women and their daughters not to tolerate abuse?

Mothers have always been blamed. However, it is not their fault if they were forced to act as enforcers of the laws set by fathers. Sometimes knowingly, sometimes without realizing it—making them even more determined—but always within an androcentric vision of society.

Have you ever experienced, or been at risk of, violence?

Many times, especially when I was little—but I ran away like a hare. Only later did I understand how the world of fathers is fascinated and drawn to the defenseless, tender bodies of little girls. However, giving in to this attraction is a horrific abuse, one that goes against all the rules of affection, coexistence, and civil rights. Invading that small and wonderful evolving world to impose one’s own selfishness is an act of vile horror.

In the fight against violence against women, do intellectuals have specific responsibilities?

I would not assign intellectuals tasks or duties. What I would ask of them, instead, is emotional and creative engagement.

by Gloria Satta

Men who do not love

Good men in people’s eyes, but tormentors within the domestic walls.

In the book L’amore rubato [Stolen Love], Dacia Maraini recounts a world divided between those who see in the other a person to be respected and those who consider the other an object to be owned and enslaved.

There is the story of Marina, a 17-year-old girl who stubbornly falls down the stairs (so she tells the doctor to justify her bruises); and that of Francesca, a 13-year-old girl who is raped by four high school boys from wealthy families, who then call her frivolous and swaggering. There is the drama of Ale who painfully chooses not to give birth to the fruit of violence. And Angela’s choice to bear the blame that historic misogyny ascribes to early female disobedience.

A woman is killed every 10 minutes

In 2023, 51,000 women were killed worldwide, an average of 140 victims every day. One woman killed every 10 minutes, and 62.2% of murderers are family members or partners, boyfriends, husbands or exes. These alarming statistics are shocking. 

The term femicide refers to gender-motivated murders of women. It is not just the killing of one person, but also a crime that reflects power imbalances, discrimination and deeply ingrained stereotypes.  Although gender-based violence transcends borders, according to the UN report in 2023 Africa recorded the highest number of femicides with 21,700 women and girls killed by partners or family members, followed by the Americas and Oceania. However, still too much data is missing. In 2023, the number of countries providing information fell to less than half the peak in 2020, when there were 75.