Houda’s faith in dialogue

 “If women were more involved in the negotiations it would be easier to achieve peace” Sister Houda Fadoul says this with conviction, and she knows what she is talking about. She has seen the war up close. In Syria, for ten years, in the midst of the conflict, she was the superior of Deir Mar Musa Al-Habashi (Monastery of St Moses the Ethiopian), founded in 1982 by the Italian Jesuit Paolo Dall’Oglio, who died on July 29, 2013 in Raqqa.  It was not easy, during the war, to take up this legacy. Nevertheless, being a woman was not a handicap. “On the contrary!” she murmurs shyly, hinting at a smile.

This is Syriac, a Catholic Discreet and petite, nun who exudes a quiet strength. She was born in Damascus 61 years ago, the graduated in agricultural engineering and after working for six years in a pesticide factory, she joined the monastic community of Deir Mar Musa in 1993, where she still resides.

In October 2024, she was in Rome attending the Synod’s second session. It is there that we met. I was struck by her serenity that nothing seems to tarnish, and her unshakable faith. Even when we catch up at a distance, a few weeks later, following the fall of Bashar al-Assad’s regime. Despite uncertainties, and legitimate fears, Houda Fadoul’s answers remain lucid, concrete, and concise, with a way of looking beyond appearances.

 “To take responsibility for the monastery after Paolo Dall’Oglio was not easy. What helped me so much was listening to the community and sharing with them. However, I must say that during the war I was able to do many things precisely because I was a woman. In some dramatic situations it is also easier for a woman to act”.

Until now, wars have been a male affair. If there were more women in power, would there be fewer conflicts? I try to put the question to Sister Houda again.

She does not back down. Moreover, she expresses no doubt that there is a female specificity, it is not a stereotype. “It is a true thing. The presence of women in peace negotiations should be encouraged. Women have more patience, more tenderness, they know how to say things at the right time; they know how to soften hearts. In addition, you can see the results. They already do it in the family. Although there are women warriors, it can be said that there is an incompatibility between women and war. It is something inscribed in their DNA as a potential mother”.

During the war in Syria, women have suffered from violence, from rape, in prisons. They have lost husbands, sons, brothers. Sr Houda does not want to establish a gender distinction as to the degree of suffering, but recognizes that women can be more vulnerable. “They risk becoming prey, especially when they are alone with children while their husbands fight,” she notes, warning, however, that war can also make them stronger. “They carry the wounds deeper in their hearts, for biological and psychological reasons, but they bear suffering better than men, and therefore are also better able to help others overcome pain.”  Sister Houda, who studied philosophy and theology at the Pontifical Gregorian University in Rome, where she obtained her Licentiate in Spirituality, has seen many examples of women who have “also grown spiritually” and are forced to take charge of their lives in the absence of men, to protect and defend their families, to attend to their needs. How, then, could women be denied the opportunity to occupy leadership roles, to participate in the future of their Country? “Things must be done together, men and women”, she says at once. “This is true everywhere, in war as in peace, everyone must do their part”.

 “I am a woman and I always want to remain one”, she adds, “I do not want to take the place of any man. If women want to take their role in the Church and society, that is fine with me; but not against men or in place of men. Everyone has their own role, their own charisma, their own gift from the Lord. We must train males and females to understand that we are not equal, but that we have the same rights, the same dignity, and we all deserve respect”.

Behind Sister Houda’s life choices there is one certainty: the key to peace is living together. It was Father Dall’Oglio’s dream, the message at the heart of Mar Musa.

 “Our vocation is prayer, manual labor, and hospitality. However, our horizon is dialogue with Islam. This is our charisma. Then, after all that has happened, the very special experience in the monastery of Mar Musa represents hope, which is the proof that dialogue is still possible”. Each with their own experience of faith. “During the war, one evening, two Muslim workers proposed not to return to their homes to help us defend the monastery if it was necessary”.

Yet, therefore, what is the “recipe” in a country exhausted by civil war? Sister Houda does not hide the difficulties. “When we as a community talk about dialogue, it is not an easy thing. There have been negative experiences. The image of Islam has been deformed”. The recipe is prayer, “trust first of all in the Lord, as a group without fear and calmly if we want to rebuild a new Syria that is free, open, where everyone has the right to live with equal dignity”.

Perhaps because she is a woman, Houda Fadoul also insists on the concrete help provided by the monastery for “the essentials”. “Food was the priority. Only when people start to feel nourished can they think about the future of their Country”.

War is not just the bombings, the destruction, and the bloodshed. War inevitably brings its corollary of hunger, cold and disease that can kill even more than weapons. Sister Houda has seen women arrive at Mar Musa seeking help with untreated cancers, neglected cardiovascular diseases, not to mention the many cases of depression, which are on the rise. “So much pain,” she sighs. Nevertheless, thanks to the generosity of Catholic associations and friends, Mar Musa has been able to provide medicine, food, something to keep warm.

The full name of the monastic community re-founded by Father Paul is al-Khalil of Deir Mar Musa al-Habashi: in the Arabic language, “al-Khalil” means “the intimate friend” and is the name given by the Koran to the patriarch Abraham (the Friend of God). This is a spiritual place that rises in the middle of the desert, on top of a steep mountain, near the town of Nebek, consecrated to Islamic-Christian dialogue where wounded people can find spaces for prayer, silence and meditation, but also for sharing, in friendship. “It has to be done wholeheartedly,” says Sr Houda, “it is essential.  This is what people lack: someone who listens and gives love. We cannot find a solution to everything, but we can apply balm to the heart, transmit hope”.

Another priority is the education of children and young people. Among the concrete initiatives, there is a music school, with Christian and Muslim teachers, “because music helps to overcome trauma”; a kindergarten for 70 children, in which only six are Christian “so that they can grow up together” and create a new generation in which there is no more hatred between people.

Women know very well how important this is. That is why in Mar Musa there is also a strong focus on female education and training, starting with mothers who come to take their children to kindergarten. “Women must understand that they are the source of the future. They must learn not to raise children in the wrong way, teach them respect for others. Educate them in peace, in the value of freedom”, Sr Houda insists.

However, in certain contexts it is difficult to improve the perception of women’s dignity. “In the Christian sphere it is easier. Among Muslims, it depends. In some families, women are much respected. But there are other traditional ones where a retrograde view is maintained”.

Besides, war is always just around the corner. Fires flare up repeatedly, even among those who have seen the war up close. For a moment, even Sr Houda cannot hold back her indignation. “There are people who still haven’t understood and don’t want to understand. What we went through was very hard, it leaves traces on the skin, but some do not want to hear about it.” Then he hastens to add, “I don’t want to judge anyone. The discomfort of pain is very strong and some people are unable to accept it, to welcome it”.

Has the war in Syria changed the relationship between men and women, I ask? “It has changed all relationships, some have broken down. It has also damaged the male-female relationship. Because of the hatred and violence, that has infiltrated hearts.  There have been separations, divorces. Some families had to leave. These are all side effect of wars”.

In Syria, only 25 per cent of the Christian population remained in 2011. In Mar Musa they try to set an example by staying, and organize meetings between Christians and Muslims as they did so before the war. The challenge is to overcome fear, and walk together. Sister Houda acknowledges that her own path has not been easy. For her, who grew up in a Christian environment, it was not easy to reach Mar Musa. “It is necessary to make a personal journey, with the help of the Holy Spirit and the Lord’s grace. Nevertheless, if we want to keep Syrian Christians at home, we must also help them concretely. Support young couples. Because it takes courage, today, with the wounds everyone is carrying inside and out, to decide to create a new family”.

In the end, however, for this woman - who demonstrated her courage and commitment to Christian values especially in the harsh conditions of war - there is only one recipe, the very powerful tool of faith, and, hope to share. “Because it is through our faith,” says Houda Fadoul, “that God has the power to change our hearts and help us to be open to others. We only have evangelical love. Nevertheless, it is precisely love and listening that people need. And in this area women are better”.

By Romilda Ferrauto